Any time I have a dream theme, meaning a series of dreams about a similar subject matter over a short period of time, I try to puzzle out what that means. In the past week I had a dream about my ex boyfriend John (I haven’t had a dream about him in a few decades) and then I had a dream about my high school sweetheart (I can’t recall ever having had a dream about him before) where he invited my family to his new fancy millionaire mansion. In my next dream my ex Joe came to Thailand with both of my daughters to check up on us, then they walked away insisting they were going to some sort of event with a two legged race. In my dream a few nights ago my first husband Oh did not believe that I was with his brother and was angrily insisting that me and Ka have sex in front of him to prove that we were together. Weirdness.
I had one other dream that didn’t involve my exes but involved me dying instead, but the theme has been clear as day. I’m going through a period of very high dream activity which also involves my exes. An insight occured to me in reading that list above. Number three on that list, “I need help” is absolutely the most difficult thing for me to say.
I explained it to Ka earlier today with a story about my ex John.
“Did I ever tell you how I got this scar on the bridge of my nose?” Ka shook his head no, but I am pretty sure I have told him the story before. My husband has a scar on the bridge of his nose too, which supposedly came from an off duty police officer hitting him with the butt of his gun when he showed an interest in a pretty Thai lady at 19 years old. His only needed 4 stitches while mine needed 5. Who needs matching tattoos when you can just show off matching scars?
“So I was maybe 19 years old. Me and Kuhn John had broken up for the 100th time. I was staying with my friend Becky in her basement. It was a rainy day and she had two young children, a son maybe two years old then and her daughter maybe five. We were playing monkey in the middle in the living room, this game where you throw the ball over or around somebody to the other person. I was in the middle.” I gestured up and the light cover outside the 7 Eleven. “So the boy he tries to throw the ball real high. He hits the glass light cover. I look up as it breaks. Bonk! It hits me right on the bridge of my nose. I thought there must be warm water inside the glass cover because I feel this liquid on my face.”
“This cover very good.” Ka said, gesturing the the 7 Eleven’s light covers. “Have the plastic. Don’t have the insects inside. And not the glass.”
“Yes! And much safer too!” I continued with my story. “So my friend Becky looks at me and she’s like you need to go hospital look in the mirror! I go in the bathroom and there is blood just spurting out everywhere all over my face. I try to cover it with a rag but it will not stop bleeding. Now Becky she don’t have the car she don’t know how to drive. But I cannot see the road too much with all of this blood in my eyes and on this rag. So I think to go to John’s house because he stay close by. Yes I know we not together right then, but I needed help.”
I shook my head. “John don’t help. He saw me at the door, shook his head angrily like what are you doing here and slammed the door in my face. I try to tell him that I can’t see the road and need to go to the hospital but no, he didn’t want any drama from me right then. Okay so he was my ex boyfriend since we’d broken up again, but still.”
“But funny a little bit.” I chuckled. “So then I got in a car accident while driving myself to the hospital! It was raining and I couldn’t see the road and I couldn’t remember what road the hospital was on and bam! I hit the car in front of me at a stop light. It looked like I smashed up their bumper too. So the man gets out of his car and I try to tell him that I can give him all of my insurance information but I need to go to the hospital. He takes one look at me and tells me Toledo Hospital is that way make a right! Don’t worry about the car hope you feel better! That guy screeched out of there.” I shook my head chuckling. “Of course he probably thought the accident caused the injury, but I was totally at fault. Anyways I got to Toledo Hospital and needed five stitches. That wound would not stop bleeding.”
There’s a tendency in people who have experienced bullying to recreate this dynamic in future intimate relationships. The dynamic I chose in many of my early relationships was public ritual humiliation. There wasn’t any violence, just a tendency to be treated like utter shit as a convenience choice until something better came along for them. Asking for help was a fatal weakness to be exploited and ridiculed.
It seems to me that these trauma based dynamics are embedded in a seemingly never ending cycle of abuse at every level of government. We know they lie about everything but are unsure how to break free. Our money will be spent on bombs, war and money laundering schemes for the already rich. The Covid jabs and the entire pandemic response represented gross criminal homicide by the DoD. Despite virtually everyone knowing that, the same Hollywood types are shilling for the next round as though nothing ever happened and everything is right as rain. Apparently John Legend is putting his arm out for the newest Covid jabs. How are these things still on the market?
Will anybody answer for the cumulative excess mortality that is still being seen in many places around the globe?
Dr. Makis claims that health Canada wants all current Covid vaccine vials destroyed. Are they trying to cover up their tracks or is that a normal thing to do with say flu vaccines also when the new strains are released?
Poland is taking out the current jabs too:
As much as I’d like to get excited at the prospect of these death jabs being pulled from the market formally, with criminal proceedings coming next, I don’t get my hopes up. It’s like we’re all stuck in an abusive relationship with government officials. Here and there they say they’ve really changed this time and we want to believe them. But there are no white hats coming to the rescue. We’re going to have to heal ourselves.
It requires some thinking outside of the box.
Do you think healing is possible? A silver lining to the collapse of trust is that new healing modalities are desperately required. I’ve been coming to terms with the interconnectedness of the body and the mind. Change your thoughts and change yourself. The world will change with you.
They want you fighting each other:
I’d update on Ka’s visa situation but there’s not much to say. I’ve been given some contradictory and confusing information thus far. This could be really easy or it could be really difficult. I still think the behind the scenes reason has to do with my outspokenness about the jabs especially.
I need help. But as people talk about criminal prosecutions for the pandemic response, my husband still technically faces a Covid vaccine jab mandate. Let that sink in.
Nothing seems to change unless we change it…
Well sadly in any CVS store you go into where I live in SoCA there is a big sign and a table at the front advertising “COVID Vaccines Available Here”! And I think they are free. And the CDC is advising that babies under 9 months old get three COVID shots!
The murders continue on here in the ole’ US of A!
Yep #3 for me too but I think that's pretty much a guy thing, or at least an American, especially an Alaskan guy thing, it's hard, often impossible asking for help.
The other side of it though, we're always willing to offer help (& gratefully accept help when offered.); a rig off on the side of the road, minus forty degree temperature, we always stop and ask is there a problem & if so, is there anything we can do to help.
On dysfunctional, totalitarian government; I find myself very often (Just five minutes ago, in fact.) lately posting/noting this; "The only way to deal with and unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion." Albert Camus